Postcards from the Famiglia
by Kaesteranya
Summary: Crack & generally stupid drabbles for the KHR cast in general. Features crazy pairs like 27D, Spa27, Kusakabe/Hibari and Romario/Dino. For the sad/introspective counterpart of this thread, look for Visions of the Same Sky
1. Blessed is the blind, pity is the fool

**Blessed is the blind, pity is the fool**

_Theme date: March 7, 2008._

_Set sometime in the future._

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During that one strange but pleasant month where Tsuna topped between the two of them, Tsuna decided that it was because Dino had finally acknowledged his strength, his skill and his influence as the 10th Head of the Vongola Family. Never mind the fact that Dino fumbled a little more than usual in bed, or that most times he seemed to avoid moving any more than necessary — he could finally dominate another man because he was powerful enough to do so. It did, admittedly, give Tsuna a bit of an ego boost.

What Tsuna never found out was that he had become the top between them because Romario was temporarily absent from the Cavallone household, and without Romario, Dino could not function efficiently enough to take control. Gokudera had stumbled across the knowledge quite by accident, but in order to save his beloved leader's pride and sanity, the Storm Guardian had decided to say nothing at all.


	2. Good monsters

**Good monsters**

_Theme date: October 2, 2007._

_Set sometime in the future._

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"Kusakabe, I called you here to discuss a few interesting complaints I have had from the guardians and a few members of my staff."

"Oh?"

"Well… I know I should be approaching Hibari about this, but I think it's better if I go through you. See, people have _claimed_ to have caught Hibird spying on them."

"Spying?"

"Ahahaha. I really don't know what they mean by that, but the complaints have increased so I figured that I ought to bring it up to you. Maybe you could tell Hibari for me?"

"Of course, sir. Leave it to me."

Kusakabe returned to Hibari Kyouya's sector of the Vongola's underground headquarters and entered the computer lab. He called Hibird over and let the bird eat some seeds from his hand as he pulled off the miniature camera from its leg and started uploading the pictures and videos he had taken. Vongolan pornography was, after all, a very easy and lucrative source of funds.


	3. Yet let me kiss my lord before I die

**Yet let me kiss my lord before I die**

_Theme date: February 9, 2008._

_Set somewhere in the future._

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"Kusakabe."

"Yes?"

"I have new orders for you. Listen carefully: you will have to follow them to the letter."

"Of course, sir."

"I order you to fuck me."

Kusakabe stared. Hibari Kyouya blinked back at him.

"Did you hear me, Kusakabe?"

"Uh."

"I just ordered you to fuck me," the Cloud Guardian interrupted, in that same perfectly level tone that he used to speak to Kusakabe about the weather, or about "those idiots" in the Vongola. "I want you to push me down, strip me of my clothes and deflower me, again and again and again."

"S-sir…"

"I am hot and bothered and horny. Dino Cavallone is busy with his family, Tsuyanoshi is occupied with Mukuro, Takeshi is fixated on Hayato and it is beneath me to use sex toys, or to ask something like Lambo for sexual favors. After taking those things and your size into consideration, I conclude that it is logical for me to use you as a substitute."

Kusakabe only heard about half of what Hibari was saying, and stared at the younger man as he stood up and crossed the room.

"I will be waiting by my bed. You have thirty seconds to respond. Else, you will be punished for your inability to follow orders."

Hibari waited for exactly five and a half seconds before Kusakabe complied.


	4. You are my country

**You are my country**

_Theme date: September 30, 2007._

_Set during D18's "tutoring period" together in the Varia Arc._

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Romario knew that it was training day because Dino Cavallone always tumbled out of bed and made a mess out of his bathroom in an attempt to dress himself without assistance from any of his men. He took his usual position by the doorway, rattling off Dino's schedule to him as the blond rushed (tripped his way) across his room in the usual pre-departure rush. Dino was only half-listening to him, but it was not a problem: Romario could always politely remind his boss when he was knocked to the ground by another one of Hibari Kyouya's relentless assaults and therefore had no choice but to pay full attention to whatever Romario had to say.

"…And that is all for the moment, boss. Shall we go?"

"Yep! Oh, and Romario?"

"What is it s—"

Dino went up and tiptoe and kissed Romario on the lips before the man could finish his sentence. The blond Mafioso beamed. "I really am weak without you," was all he said before clapping Romario on the shoulder and leaving the room.

Romario was not given enough time to get over his shock, because a telltale crash told him that Dino had fallen down the stairs and would probably need his help again.


	5. A beautiful day

**A beautiful day**

_This takes place maybe four to five years or so into the future. Here's hoping that this passes as good 'promotional material' for the series. orz_

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for April 12, 2007._

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Sawada Tsuyanoshi's day starts out in the usual fashion: him being jolted awake by a very, _very _loud explosion somewhere on the ground floor of his house. The young mafia boss-to-be cracks his eyes open, stares blearily at the first thing he notices (i.e. his alarm clock, cheerily informing him that he's awake two hours too early), allows himself fifteen seconds to mourn his utter lack of a normal life and proceeds to stumble out of bed, to see what he can do to remedy the situation. He already knows what awaits him there, and is thus able to duck as soon as he's turned the corner and entered the living room, narrowly avoiding getting shot in the face by the Ten Years Later Bazooka.

Tsuna yawns and steps forward, swinging his arms out wide and planting himself in between a whining Lambo and a totally apathetic Reborn; they argue so much in this fashion that their exchange faithfully matches the script running through Tsuna's head, allowing him to interject at the perfect times without actually having to think at all. Exactly an hour later, Bianchi steps out of the shower on cue, gloriously naked but for the towel wrapped around her person – she proceeds to scoop Reborn up into her arms and bear him away on her bosom, leaving Tsuna to console Lambo before his mother arrives, joyfully informing the household that breakfast was ready. I-pin also chooses that moment to return to the house from her morning jogging route, trailed by an extremely loud and extremely exuberant Ryohei Sasagawa – Colonello is perched on his head, gruff and abusive as always. By then, Tsuna is awake enough to have the sense to invite his Sun Guardian and his trainer over for breakfast.

As soon as he's well-fed, showered, properly dressed and out the door, Gokudera Hayato is waiting outside of his gates, bowing low, offering up his usual alibi ("Good morning, Tenth! I just happened to be passing by!") – Yamamoto is with him, thumbs hooked against the sides of his pockets, smile in place. Tsuna walks in between his two closest friends, sometimes joining in their conversation, sometimes content with watching Yamamoto and Gokudera interact and basking in the glow of their company. They run into Haru at the intersection, and the girl joins them part of the way. Gokudera's flailing increases exponentially, now that the one other person capable of garnering that sort of reaction has turned up to bug him. The Yamamoto Takeshi and Miura Haru double team, Tsuna realizes not for the first time, is a lethal one.

Kyoko and Hana turn up at lunch period, with Kyoko bearing a huge bento box fit to feed an army; upon seeing Kyoko, Tsuna remembers that he had promised to taste test her cooking the other week, and gladly drags everyone in to demolish the contents of the bento. The hour passes by only too quickly because he's having way too much fun, in spite of the fact that it's incredibly hard _not_ to watch the collection of small, pretty movements that Kyoko is whenever she's up close and personal.

Tsuna's second to the last period of the day is briefly interrupted by Kusakabe Tetsuya, who calls him out of the classroom to speak to him of business in Hibari Kyouya's place. Tsuna, of course, does not need to ask the vice president of the Disciplinary Committee where his boss is: only one thing – one person – could make Hibari drop everything and leave his subordinates to handle things in his stead. True enough, Tsuna runs into Dino Cavallone after class. The blond Italian is accompanied by his trusty right hand man Romario, and looking a little worse for wear. Dino drawls on about the folks back in Italy (read: Lancia, Fuuta, Lal Mirch, the Ninth himself) and informs Tsuna that he and his battalion of Cavallone men will be staying over at the Sawada Residence for the next few days. Tsuna only half-listens to his spiel; he is wondering whether Dino managed to win his last duel, or if he lost it. Dino notices his look, and pre-empts him by saying that he and Kyouya were going to have a rematch by the riverside before dinner. Tsuna knows better than to ask if he can watch; he simply wishes his 'older brother' good luck and heads for the gates, where Gokudera and Yamamoto are waiting for him.

They find Chrome Dukuro crouched in an alleyway beside the entrance to the underground shopping district, peering intently into a box full of mewling kittens – Kaki Chikusa and Joushima Ken are hovering nearby, caught up in their own things. Neither of the boys bother approaching Tsuna when the latter stops to chat with his Mist Guardian, but Tsuna can feel both their eyes burning holes into his back. Of course, Yamamoto and Gokudera do their own fair share of staring down. Tsuna makes sure to keep his exchange short but pleasant in order to prevent anything from happening.

Iemitsu is sprawled on the front porch of the Sawada Residence by the time Tsuna, Gokudera and Yamamoto arrive – the man is sleeping like a log and snoring like a saw, and is positioned in a way that forces all three boys to step over him as gently as possible in order to enter the house. Nana cheerily greets them from the kitchen over the din of the late afternoon quiz shows (a favorite of I-pin's and Lambo's), and ushers them up to Tsuna's room before any one of them can offer their assistance. They settle for doing their homework together, and some three hours later, they're halfway done and raring to settle down for a decent meal.

The doorbell rings midway through dinner; Tsuna gets up to answer it in order to prevent his mother from doing any more than she already has. He finds Dino in the doorway, looking a little more battered up than he already did earlier in the day and trailed by all of his men. As he steps aside to let the older mafioso in, Tsuna looks over all the Cavallone heads and catches a very brief glimpse of dark hair, a red and gold armband and a flash of yellow fluff and feathers on the distant sidewalk, just on the brink of walking away and out of his line of vision.

Dinner is another pleasant affair, and Tsuna sees Gokudera and Yamamoto out the door before trudging back up to his room and puttering about on his evening rituals before bed. He spots an owl with mismatched eyes staring at him from the branch of the tree outside his window, just before he tucks in. He smiles at the creature; it does not scare him in the least.

"…Good night, Mukuro."

Tsuna shuts off the light.


	6. Come with me, under my coat

**Come with me, under my coat**

_This one was written for the prompt "wearing someone else's clothes", and the title is taken from the 31 Days theme for November 6, 2006.. I never thought I'd write for this pairing, but now that I think about it, they WOULD make an awesome-hot pair, huh? XD_

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The first time they meet, Xanxus is on the field and she appeared out of nowhere to join them, out one second and in the next, skewering men with her trident with the same, matter-of-fact look that house wives have whenever they slice and dice vegetables on chopping boards. He is, of course, unimpressed by her killing technique – he's the commander of the fucking Varia, the most elite group of assassins that Italy has ever seen. What he is more interested in (although he'll never admit it) is the fact that she is not wearing her usual khaki green skirt, coat and knee high boots – she is in the coat, camo shirt and bondage pants of her master and wearing her hair unbound, where it swirls about her like a thing alive with every move she makes.

Xanxus waits until everything around them is dead before he cocks his guns and points both of them in her direction. Lussuria often teases him about how that gesture is the way he greets people and expresses his affections. The gay fag, however, isn't around, and that means that Xanxus can do as he fucking well pleases.

"What the hell do you think you're doing here?"

"The boss told me to come."

He could have shot her point blank – he had certainly maimed and even killed other people for far less. There is something in her voice, however, that makes Xanxus lose interest. The Varia boss snorts and stalks off, making a mental note to kick Squalo into action and get him to complain to the other Vongola about that insolent Mist Guardian stealing his kills.

The second time they meet, Xanxus is heading up to the Vongola Mansion and Chrome is sitting on the top step, drinking something hot and delicious-smelling from a Styrofoam cup. She is back in her semi-military gear, but she has Dino Cavallone's favorite jacket – the green one with the feathered collar – draped over her shoulders.

"Out of my way, bitch," Xanxus growls as he comes in close. Chrome merely blinks and obediently scoots out of his path.

The third time they meet, Xanxus is prowling underground corridors of the Vongola base in Japan and Chrome is stepping out of one of the mechanical doors ahead of him, a slim and quiet shadow. Now he finds her in a suit clearly two sizes too big for herself, tailored for a man's frame rather than a woman's. The shirt she wears underneath it is not the snowy white of her position as the Mist Guardian, but the rich purple of the Cloud Guardian, the mercurial Hibari Kyouya. She turns to see him, and dips her head in a greeting. He responds by marching over, taking her by the shoulder and slamming her up against a wall.

"Feisty little whore, aren't you?" he hisses, looming over her, daring her to wince and flinch and shy away from his touch. She only meets his smoldering look with her one good eye and goes up on her toes, to kiss him on the mouth.

"Everyone needs a change of scenery once in a while."

Later, after he's fucked her seven ways til Sunday, he watches her as she gets up, all dry eyes and professional swiftness, and turns to look over her shoulder at him with the slightest, upward turn on her delicate lips.

"You don't mind if I borrow your coat, do you?"


	7. Failure to communicate

**Failure to communicate**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for December 2, 2007._

_Idk, this fic makes no sense. Please don't ask me? ;_;_

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Contrary to popular belief, Reborn had once believed that Lambo might have been the more suitable one between them to top in the relationship, on merit of the Vongola Thunder Guardian's admirable size and boundless amount of energy. There was also the fact that there was a certain amount of beautiful poetic irony in allowing Lambo to 'top' him in at least one arena among the many that Lambo appeared to harbor a one-sided rivalry with him in. He had the misfortune of disproving that notion even before anything actually took place.

"This," Reborn said to him with utmost gravity, "is lubricant. And this is a condom. Are you following me so far?"

"Lambo is following you!"

_In more ways than one_. Reborn coughed in a fashion more suited to the adult that he was and not the fifteen-year-old than he currently appeared to be, and returned to the items on the desk. "I am sure you remember the sort of motions we go through when I top you," he said. From the way he was speaking, one would think that he was talking about the weather. "You need an erection before you can even consider entering anybody, and when you do so, it isn't just a matter of Tab A to Slot B. You have to be—"

"Lambo has a question!"

"What is it now?"

"What do you mean by Tab A to Slot B?"

"…It's a figure of speech."

"Oh!"

"Now—"

"Um! I don't get it."

Reborn's hand twitched over the gun holstered at his side. He ran through the first chapter of the Vongola Family History (he had all nine tomes memorized) in his head before opting to speak again, to ensure that he did not attempt to shoot the puffy-haired idiot in front of him. "Now," he said, once he was sure that all murderous instincts were properly reigned in. "Once we've assumed positions, I will leave you in charge of loosening my asshole with your fingers."

"But Lambo wishes to stick it in!"

"And you will get to stick it in, but these things must be done carefully, with all the necessary precautions."

"…But Lambo really, really wishes to stick it in!"

Reborn stared. Lambo pouted. Fifteen seconds later, Reborn picked the other boy up by the collar, tossed him into bed and showed him how it ought to be done.


	8. Minature bridges, your mouth

**Miniature bridges, your mouth.**

_Written for the word prompt "pistachios" over at the KHR Fic Meme, with a title taken from the 31 Days theme for November 14, 2008. Special thanks to Nikki for doing the REAL archiving for all of us~_

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Spanner had traded his usual lollipops for the bowl of nuts that Lambo had dutifully laid out, to give everyone participating in the meeting something to chew on (or shells to throw at other people when they weren't looking, should it get to that), and now Tsuna was seriously regretting it.

"…Tenth, are you all right?"

"E-eh?"

Gokudera was looking at him with that sort of look that meant that at any moment the Storm Guardian was going to faint from worry if Tsuna didn't answer him in three seconds flat, but Tsuna really couldn't take his eyes away from how Spanner was bundled up in his seat in a fashion reminiscent of this genius character from an anime that Tsuna used to watch, lifting each nut from the bowl, fingering it, cracking the shells with almost sexual care, popping them into his mouth with mesmerizing slowness—

"Tenth?"

"I-I-I-I-I'm fine."

Tsuna ducked his head, hiding his blush from behind the reports he was reading (which he was holding upside down, but he didn't have to know that). In the meantime, Spanner licked some salt dust off his hand, one finger at a time.

It was a fact: only Spanner could make the innocent act of eating look positively dirty.

(What Tsuna would discover only much later in life is that he should've been glad that Spanner had not been eating fruits that day. Juice dribbling and skin-peeling just wasn't conducive to noble thought processes.)


	9. Searching for the future

**Searching for the future**

_Written for the word prompt "paper" over at the KHR Fic Meme – it's meant to be a pointless little piece on look at Tsuna's possible first day as the Tenth. Title is taken from the 31 Days theme for April 30, 2007. Special thanks to Nikki for doing the REAL archiving for all of us~_

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As he enters the Vongola Mansion, Dino Cavallone finds it a little hard to believe that just a few years back, the whole estate had been under the command of someone much older, much more experienced, and a lot more… well, Italian, for better or for worse. For all that the Ninth was, however, he was still a Vongola, and there were particular things that a name like that carried with it. See mafia, and the keywords criminal, cutthroat, amoral. Even a pacifist like that gentle old man couldn't get rid of a few century's worth of bloodshed and a million negative karma points.

Dino Cavallone, however, has seen Sawada Tsuyanoshi fight, has seen the boy with his too-thin shoulders and too-bright smile cry as he smashed through buildings and people to dismantle something older than his grandfathers and remake it into something else, something better. He is a believer now. Where he might have fallen short, this one will pull through.

"Hey there, little brother."

"A-ah! Dino-san!"

…Of course, there's that small issue of mounds upon mounds of paperwork to crawl through first. Dino grins at the piles obscuring the young Tenth Boss of the Vongola, and steps into the office.

"Welcome to Italy."


	10. Intervention

**Intervention**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme October 29, 2008. This fic is completely pointless. Stop reading it now._

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The Vongola Mansion was eerily silent by the time Sawada Tsunayoshi stumbled through the door, wetter than a drowned rat and sore in places that no human being should have been sore in. The young boss gave himself ten minutes to catch his breath before trudging up to his room. With Gokudera Hayato attending to a hit order in London and Yamamoto Takeshi batting for the Tigers back in Japan, Tsuna was expecting to come back to an empty room and all the documents from his latest mission located everywhere save the place that they were supposed to be in (stacked on his desk), just as he had left it about fourteen hours ago. What he WASN'T expecting was bright lights, a pleasantly warmed room, and a familiar, sing-song voice annunciating each syllable of his name, calibrated at the pitch that was perfect for annoying the hell out of anybody who heard it.

"Tsu~na~yo~shi~kun!"

Rokudo Mukuro was the bundle of joy wrapped in black leather on the edge of his desk, smiling a smile that reminded Tsuna of little boys, fluffy kittens, and deep barrels with fires lighted underneath them. In the face of imminent doom and almost certain sexual molestation to an unbelievable degree, Tsuna said the most intelligent thing that anyone could have said, had they been in his position.

"…Bwuh?"

"How was the mission? Did you kill them all? Was it _fun_?"

Mukuro babbled on and on as he tugged Tsuna into the room, taking advantage of the situation with the same professional ease that he applied to murder and mocking Gokudera at the dinner table. Tsuna, was only just starting to wrap his head around the situation when he found himself in the doorway of the bathroom, staring at Hibari Kyouya from where the latter was seated by the bathtub, shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, mixing the water.

"You're late, Sawada. Get in."

"E-e-e-e-eh?"

"Kyouya~ don't be so mean to him~ oh, here, Tsunayoshi-kun. Let me help you with that!"

And Mukuro was _stripping him of his clothes_ and _pushing him into the tub_ while _taking off HIS clothes_ and proceeding to join him _in _the tub, as though it were perfectly natural for two men to be naked in one tub together.

"Wha—"

"Stop squirming, Sawada. Wash your hair."

Hibari was wearing the same face that he used during those negotiations involving smoking guns and bodies in the river as he held out a sponge and bottles of soap, shampoo and conditioner. When Tsuna took a second too long to respond the way he was supposed to, his Cloud Guardian rolled his eyes and squeezed some shampoo into his hand.

"Well?"

"I'll do it!" Mukuro chirped – and he proceeded to push Tsuna under the water.

After thirty agonizing minutes of Hibari scrubbing him with the sort of ferocity that angry wives reserved for dirty dishes and Mukuro taking every spare chance to molest him or attempt to drown him in the tub (or do a very odd combination of both), Tsuna found himself seated in between his most vicious Guardians as they argued over hair brushes and the proper color their boss' pajamas ought to be on a Wednesday evening.

"I want to brush his hair, Kyouya~"

"You might take his skull off. You nearly drowned him earlier."

"Oya, oya~ my hand slipped!"

"…Um…" Tsuna winced when he found two glares swiveled in his direction. "I-I can take care of myself, Hibari-san… Mukuro-san! Really!"

Hibari and Mukuro stared at him for three full seconds before answering, at exactly the same time and in exactly the same tone, with:

"If I really believed that, then I wouldn't be here."

The two Guardians turned on each other yet again, as though Tsuna didn't exist at all.

"You just want an excuse to kiss his neck, Kyouya~"

"I don't need one."

"Of course you do~ didn't you know that he's mine?"

And as they continued to bicker, Tsuna watched them, realized that he sort of enjoyed their very strange company and roundabout way of showing that maybe they DID care about him just a smidgen, and hoped to the high heavens that nothing was going to explode.


	11. Battle of attrition

**Battle of attrition.**

_Remember the episode where Tsuna had to play volleyball with his class and he kinda got hit around where it hurt? …Yeah, I'm referring to that one._

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for April 12, 2008._

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"We need to change the rules of that sport!"

"Eh?"

"Ahahaha! That sounds like an interesting idea, Gokudera!"

"Shut up, baseball freak. I'm serious."

"But… Gokudera-kun…"

"With all due respect, Tenth… I CANNOT LET YOU STOP ME THIS TIME!"

"Eeeeeh?"

"Ahahaha."

"THAT HIT YOU TOOK, TENTH, IT COULD HAVE HAD DIRE EFFECT UPON YOUR LEVELS OF VIRLITY IN THE FUTURE!"

"Eh."

"IT ENDANGERED THE FUTURE GENERATIONS OF OUR FAMILY, TENTH! IT DOES NOT MATTER IF IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. THEY MUST BE PUNISHED!"

"Um."

"Ahahaha, but. Gokudera, his balls are fine now."

"…"

"Ahahaha."

"How. Do. You. Know. That?"

"LET'S HAVE LUNCH, EVERYONE."


	12. Does anybody wanna buy a memory

**Does anybody wanna buy a memory?**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for June 4, 2008._

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_Yesterday._

"Hey, Tsuna! Look at this."

Yamamoto Takeshi had recently fallen into the habit of insisting that Tsuna come over to look at any little thing that struck his fancy during the day. Tsuna always made it a point to indulge him, because he didn't want to disappoint the other boy. He was expecting another oddball something-or-the-other from the arcades, or – heaven forbid – a pornographic magazine or erotic comic. He was pleasantly surprised, then, when Yamamoto pulled out three nice-looking phone straps, matching in design, differing in color.

"Hmm! I think this one'll suit you the best. It's red, like your flames!"

"Uh…"

The sudden gift coupled with Yamamoto's easy smile (total obliviousness towards what he had just done) was almost enough to make Tsuna blush – he probably looked like such an idiot, staring, with wide-eyed admiration, at the tiny embroidered thing he held pinched between his fingers, up towards the light. Thankfully, Gokudera Hayato arrived at that moment, and immediately came to his rescue.

"What are you doing with the—"

"Here you go, Gokudera!" Yamamoto cheerily chimed in, as he pretty much shoved another one of the phone straps into Gokudera's face. "Green, for your eyes!"

"What the—"

"Tsuna has one too!"

Tsuna's name worked like a magic charm. Gokudera forgot all about attempting to flay Yamamoto with his eyes and zipped right over to his boss.

"Jyuudaime, was this your brilliant idea? I am honored!"

"Actually… Yamamoto gave it to me."

"Oh."

Gokudera almost looked disappointed. Yamamoto did not notice, of course, and part of the reason why might have been in the fact that he was happily attaching the third strap to his phone.

"I get the blue one," he explained as he worked, "since I'm the rain guy in the game." He stopped to admire his handiwork once he was done, and then held it up for the pair to see. "Use yours, guys! We'll really be a team that way!"

"I think this is stupid." Gokudera was scowling and his tone was hardly pleased, but the fact that his cheeks were flushed red really didn't help his case. Tsuna squeezed his hand from under the table and turned to smile at Yamamoto.

"…You're right. Thanks."

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_Tomorrow and ten years later._

His cellular phone ringing at 3 AM is supposedly a given bi-product of being a mafia boss, and he has only started getting used to it. He gropes around the night table for a good minute before tugging his phone over by the strap.

"Hullo…?"

"It must be pretty warm beneath those sheets, boss. You don't sound awake at all."

"That's because I wasn't," Tsuna retorts with a small, husky laugh. He knows that voice, knows it like he knows his own. "How was Japan?"

"Same as always. I'll be there shortly… save a spot in there for me, will you?"

"I always do."

"Did that idiot finally call?" the pile of blankets beside him grumbles the moment Tsuna hangs up. Tsuna makes an affirmative noise in response as he crawls over, pulling away the sheets to reveal tousled silver hair, a slender neck and the expanse of a pale, perfectly naked back.

"Yes, he did. He'll probably be here within the hour."

Tsuna punctuates nearly each word with a half-formed kiss along the stretch of Gokudera's body, careful to mark places that Yamamoto hasn't already been at. Gokudera is practically purring beneath him by the time he is done, shifting to give him better purchase. It isn't long before he is propping himself up and Tsuna is leaning in to meet him halfway, to better kiss him full on the mouth.

"Should we wait for him, Tenth?"

"Only if we can hold it in. We're a team, after all."

Gokudera only chuckles in response. A moment and a great amount of kissing later, Tsuna's cellular phone slips from his fingers, forgotten, to the floor.


	13. For he that is not against us is for us

**For he that is not against us is for us.**

_The title for this one is taken from the 31 Days theme for June 8, 2007._

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In as much as he abhors the idea of gay sex and will never, ever participate in the act himself, Shamal feels that as Gokudera's tutor and pseudo-legal guardian down in Japan, it is his duty to groom his boy and make sure that he excels in just about everything. It is for this reason that he decides to give both Gokudera and Tsuna, Gokudera's future boss and current boyfriend, that sort of talk about the birds and the bees that no child wants to hear from any sort of parental figure, most especially their parents. He gives them each a lecture separately, because having them in the same room is sure to have a lot of flailing and Shamal doesn't want to deal with that.

Unfortunately, the flailing occurred regardless, and to make matters worse, Gokudera nearly attempted to blow him to kingdom come and Tsuna didn't actually understand what he was talking about until Shamal practically shouted out Gokudera's name and finished his lecture with a "Aw, fuck it, just lie back and spread your legs and let him do the rest!". Shamal decided that this would be the last time he would ever decide to play Good Samaritan. He was, however, kind enough to send a box of multi-colored, multi-flavored condoms to Gokudera's apartment. The least they could do is not contract any STDs and come whining to him in order to have him fix it.


	14. This is courting!

**Misunderstandings stemming from contrasting courting styles.**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for November 16, 2008._

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One fine afternoon, Sasagawa Ryohei dropped by the Varia headquarters in Italy (as always), made a very noisy beeline straight for Lissuria's office (as always) and made a terrifying discovery.

"Hey, hey, this is extremely weird!"

"Hmm? What is it, dahling~?"

"You don't have a last name!"

While this would have been the cue for Lissuria to explain that it wasn't all that important, especially for a fabulous fag like himself (a man that is now a lady must be reborn like a phoenix, after all, and that mean's changing one's name), but throughout the course of his very strange relationship with the Vongola Family's Sun Guardian, he had learned that it was useless to talk about complicated things like that. And, true enough, Ryohei pretty much destroyed all hope of having an enlightening conversation with his Extreme Indignation. By the time Xanxus, the grump, came storming down with his guns blazing, ready to shoot up the nuisance, Ryohei was already on the way out with a very loud and passionate promise to have things fixed by tomorrow.

Tomorrow found Ryohei marching right back into Lissuria's office, and shoving a clipboard in the kickboxer's face. The words **FAMILY REGISTRY** blazed across the top of the first page.

"Here! Now you can have mine!"

It would be years before Lissuria stopped bragging to each and every member of the Varia, new AND old, how he was married to such a real, gorgeous and gallant man. On the main family end of things, no one had the heart to tell Kyoko why that eccentric transvestite friend of her older brother's insisted upon calling her 'sister dear'.


	15. Your cold black heart

**Oh how could anyone not love your cold black heart?**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for 2009. Written for the prompt "My fist, your face"._

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Foreplay for Sasagawa Ryohei and Hibari Kyouya was pretty much synonymous to domestic violence, and given the way they roughed each other and everything within a five meter radius of the two of them before they fucked, Kusakabe was honestly surprised that they didn't ever manage to kill each other. He was often forced to pass it off to Ryohei's amazing resilience, since, in light of his boss' skill, that seemed to be the only logical way of explaining it.

It would be years down the line before Kusakabe discovered the shocking truth: Hibari really HAD been trying to murder Ryohei all the while. The problems started up, however, every time he hit the other Guardian across the mouth because it apparently turned him on and apparently failed in making him _shut the hell up_ and as such, Hibari Kyouya, ever practical, opted to kiss him to shut him up instead, and from there, one thing always lead to another.

Kusakabe, of course, was wise enough to not point out that a kiss could very logically stay at a kiss. He has seen what his boss is capable of doing with nothing but his hands. He does not feel like dying young.


	16. Power play

**Power play.**

_The title for this one is taken from the 31 Days theme for October 8, 2008. If you don't know who Spanner is, then this fic is probably spoilerfic. orz_

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It's only after Spanner discovers that it isn't the X-Burner that gives him a hard-on but the thought of what Sawada Tsunayoshi's ass might look like behind that baggy jumpsuit that he comes to fully appreciate the various functions of handcuffs. Protecting one's self by restraining the other partner is one thing; using it to stretch the other out and force him to focus his attentions exactly where Spanner wanted him to was quite another.

"Ngh! W-wait—"

The protest ends in a trembling moan as Spanner slides one gloved hand down Tsuna's chest, admiring the boy's smooth, unblemished skin. Amazing, how small and perfect Japanese bodies were. He hadn't though that those plastic models he used to connect in his youth were actually eerily accurate. He almost considers feeling the boy's body up with his own bare palms, but based on the data he gathered from their last fuck, Tsuna is apparently turned on by the roughness and dirt of his work gloves. What he hasn't been able to look into, however, is the effect the texture of his gloves might have on an unprotected, prepubescent cock. He tests that a moment afterward, and is rewarded by yet another interesting whimper and a little bit of squirming. Spanner looks up, tilts his head, cocks an eyebrow.

"You're going to hurt yourself, thrashing around like that."

"I really don't like this," Tsuna mumbles, blinking at Spanner through a fresh round of tears. He's cute like that. Like the puppy his parents had him take care of back in the farm. The mechanic chuckles, and cups his test subject's balls in one hand. The chains of the handcuffs pulling Tsuna's wrists above his head and holding his ankles apart rattle.

Spanner knows that if Tsuna really wanted to, he could break free easily – all it took was a whole lot of resolve and a little bit of Dying Will Flame. That Tsuna _isn't_ setting himself on fire – that Tsuna's writhing beneath him instead, panting as Spanner drags a thumb across his lips and into his mouth – lets Spanner know that in some twisted way, the Vongola Tenth is exactly where he wants to be.


	17. We have such a braniac amour

**We had such a brainiac amour.**

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for May 22, 2008._

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A chat log, recovered by Disciplinary Committee members following the computer class of one Sawada Tsunayoshi:

SawadaTsunayoshi: …Um. Is this thing working?

SmokingBomb: Oh, Tenth! You did it all on your own… that's great!

SmokingBomb: :D

SawadaTsunayoshi: Mm, I guess I did. Thank you for helping me. :)

SmokingBomb: Do you need any help?

SmokingBomb: Like, with your homework?

SmokingBomb: Have the teachers stopped bullying you?

SmokingBomb: Do you want me to beat up anyone?

SmokingBomb: :D

SawadaTsunayoshi: no, I'm all right! Um. Gokudera-kun, I think we really ought to pay attention in class.

SmokingBomb: Don't worry about it, Tenth!

SmokingBomb: I can teach you whatever you have to know!

SmokingBomb: shall I? So that we don't have to waste our time in here.

SmokingBomb: :D

SawadaTsunayoshi: um.

**BaseballIsFun has entered the room.**

BaseballIsFun: ahahahaha

BaseballIsFun: wow

BaseballIsFun: ahahahaha

BaseballIsFun: heeeeey tsuna

BaseballIsFun: heeeey Gokudera

BaseballIsFun: ahahahaha

BaseballIsFun: what r u guys doin

**SmokingBomb has left the room.**

SawadaTsunayoshi: Gokudera-kun? D:


	18. Mischief of one kind or another

**Mischief of one kind and anothe****r.**

_Lyn brought up this plot bunny a long time ago, so I figured I ought to give it a spin. The title's taken from the 31 Days theme for May 1, 2009._

_Seriously belated happy birthday, Sab. orz_

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In retrospect, perhaps Sawada Tsunayoshi should have seen it coming. Maybe it would have been a good idea to start worrying, for example, when Reborn had begun to take a rather particular (and peculiar) interest in the way things were run over at Namimori School. In the student body, its different organizations, the administration. Reborn never did anything without a reason, and his reasons often involved a lot of pain and humiliation on Tsuna's part, all for the sake of The Family.

Still, for whatever reason, Tsuna had NOT been suspicious, and ended up paying for it around two weeks later, quite literally, in the form of a kick to the head.

"Wake up, my worthless student. You have an early morning engagement."

"Bwuh?"

Thankfully, Tsuna was beginning to learn just enough to scramble out of bed on autopilot rather than stay where he was and get kicked _again_. Baby steps, baby steps.

"What's going on, Reborn…?"

"I've put you up as one of the candidates for the Student Council President Elections. They're meeting the lot of you in fifteen minutes."

And in as much as Tsuna would have really, really liked to rail and flail and demand to know what all of this was about, he did not cherish the idea of getting knocked unconscious and dragged to school by the collar of his uniform.

Suffice to say, the next seven days were the longest and most traumatic ones of Tsuna's high school life. Whenever he showed the slightest signs of hesitation or even hedged at the possibility of dropping out of the race, Reborn stuck his pistol up his nostril and very seriously informed his stupid student that he was going to shoot him if he did. It was, of course, Reborn's very roundabout and life-threatening way of showing his support.

And then the others came around.

Having been brainwashed by Reborn into believing that Tsuna becoming the Student Council President of their school would somehow aid him later on as a Boss, Gokudera launched headlong into preparing campaign flyers, banners, armbands, posters, pins, pencils, ball pens, coffee mugs, lunch boxes, handkerchiefs, notebooks and bags – the first three, he posted all over the school, and threatened to blow up whoever dared to "desecrate" any of them, or even put the posters of his boss' rivals in the general vicinity. He then took it upon himself to distribute the rest of the things he had made to the general student body, and proceeded to interrogate whoever WASN'T carrying around some sort of Tsuna-related object on their person.

No, he never told Tsuna were he had gotten the money for all of that.

Yamamoto and Ryohei aggravated the situation by fully supporting Gokudera in his aggressive campaign management scheme (sans the beating and threats of blowing shit up to kingdom come). There was also no convincing either of them that Reborn had simply set Tsuna up – Yamamoto simply thought that it was a whole new task that they had to accomplish for their game, and Ryohei did not seem to hear Tsuna's weak protests regarding the situation ("LITTLE MAN, YOU ARE EXTREMELY EXTREME!").

Hibari Kyouya himself eventually came around after Gokudera's nonsense breached critical mass – the prefect descended upon the lot of them on the third day with the swift anger of an angry god, claiming that Tsuna (through Gokudera) had violated several campaign rules and therefore needed to be bitten to death. Gokudera, of course, did not take THAT very well, and Yamamoto and Ryohei jumped right in to help Tsuna out. By the time the lot of them were finished, half the school had gone up in smoke, and Tsuna stepped out of it looking – and FEELING – like a bomb had gone off in his face.

The rest of the campaign days were pretty much a repeat of that one, although the property damage was not nearly as extensive.

The moratorium directly before the elections gave Tsuna some time to recover (and get himself looked at properly in a hospital), and, as predicted, he did NOT win the race. Gokudera cried foul, insisted that someone cheated and therefore that someone needed to be blown up to kingdom come, Hibari reacted accordingly, Yamamoto and Ryohei jumped right in, and while all of that was going down on his head Tsuna heard this tiny little voice inside of him say that maybe it would do him some good to find the nearest rock, crawl under it, and die there.

Later, though, when Tsuna stumbled out of the school gates to find Kyoko waiting for him with a bright smile and a lunchbox to celebrate Tsuna's "almost-victory", Tsuna felt as though maybe, some of that pain was worth it.


	19. In the custody of trolls

**In the custody of trolls****.**

_This is set sometime in the future (whichever one, it doesn't really matter), where our boys are starting to get acquainted with the use of their special box weapons._

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for May 30, 2009._

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Theoretically speaking, Sawada Tsunayoshi should have been happy that all of his Guardians were getting the hang of their box weapons. Using them well was, after all, putting them one step closer to becoming stronger, and becoming stronger as a team was never a bad thing, right?

"H-H-H-HIBARI-SAN!"

…Of course, since Tsuna really was an innocent, pure-hearted young man, he wouldn't have imagined that "using them well" would also mean applying them towards otherwise _questionable_ purposes. Things that didn't exactly involve fighting, or protecting the things and people that one loved.

"HIBARI-SAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"Scream in my face again, herbivore, and I will bite you to death."

So there he was, sprawled on top of his king-sized bed at the Vongola Family Estate with _Hibari Kyouya _sitting on top of him (or more specifically, sitting right over his crotch, straddling his hips and quite effectively pinning him to place), _handcuffed to his own headboard _by none other than Hibari's box weapons. Wrists and ankles, and —

"Your lack of awareness regarding my condition is disgusting." That was Hibari talking over the noise in his head, perhaps. Trust in him to sound so calm and collected about everything. "As such, I will express my feelings for you by force."

And Tsuna wanted to ask – he really, really did! – but then Hibari was bending down and kissing him and tugging at his belt and maybe he already had his answer.

Late into the next day, Tsuna was finally allowed to stumble out of his room and join his other Guardians at the meal table. Gokudera, thankfully, was too busy fussing over him to really ask about what the hell had happened to his beloved Tenth; Yamamoto was charming and oblivious as ever, and neither Ryohei nor Lambo seemed to think that anything was amiss either. He was almost in the clear.

Almost, because Rokudo Mukuro had, for whatever reason, decided to possess Chrome and join them as well, much to Gokudera's dismay. Tsuna spent most of lunch stammering his way through the conversations and trying his damned best to ignore the way Mukuro was _staring_ at him, all the way until the Mist Guardian lightly declared that he was going to go off and murder people now, ta-ta, thank you _so much_ for the free meal!

Tsuna could not remember the last time he had felt THAT relieved. Maybe the day wasn't going to end up so bad, after all—

Then he stepped out and discovered that Mukuro was, in fact, waiting for him. Wearing his own box weapon. Smiling. Tapping his monocle significantly. Smiling again.

"I know what you and Kyouya did last night, Tsunayoshi-kun~"

With a pat to his Number One Target's cheek and an evil little chuckle, Mukuro went on his way.

Tsuna decided that it was time to find a nice, big rock to crawl under and _never _come out ever again.


	20. We are but weaklings

**We**** are but weaklings pretending to be tough.**

_This fanfic is so totally PWP, it's bound to hurt._

_The title is taken from the 31 Days theme for November 3, 2009._

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For six days of the week on most weeks, Gamma is the atypical, red-blooded straight male who likes his women the way he likes his booze: clean, cheap, simple and refreshing, with just the sort of kick that his brain needed after a long day pushing pens and blowing shit up. Most mafioso were the same way, partially because they were expected to be and mostly because it came naturally for men from their side of the fence.

On the seventh day, though, on that rare seventh day that happens at least once a month and always in some seedy joint with pool tables, rough-looking goons and female drifters young enough to be his daughters, the Giglionero Family's most loyal dog meets with the Vongola Family's most loyal dog, and the two of them drop all that crap about honor and duty and Good Behavior in order to get completely sloshed, rile each other up into a drunken rage, and take all that pent up shit out on each other.

"Jesus, you're tight. How long has it been since your boyfriend fucked you anyway?"

"_Shut the fuck up."_

Gamma has come to realize that with his lips and his hips and his hair and his eyes, Gokudera Hayato is pretty much as good as any other woman he could have snagged in a place like this one – maybe a little better, in fact, because the younger man's aggressive on the get go, sensitive while they're doing it, and never, ever needy during the afterglow. He's got the Storm Guardian between his two hands at the moment, pressing him between his crotch and the edge of a pool table, stretching him out over the green and among the stripes and solids, holding his hips down with one hand and taking his cock by the hilt, straight up, with the other. They're not alone in the bar, but neither of them care, and the regulars know better than to do anything but watch them, or maybe keep their gaze on their drinks and pretend that there _aren't_ two men fucking in the general vicinity. The owner probably remembers the LAST time some homophobes tried to get in the way of their fun. It hadn't been pretty.

With that thought, Gamma fits another finger in between Gokudera's butt cheeks. His smirk widens when he feels the younger man shudder, when he sees him try to stifle his moan by biting down on his own arm.

"Answer the question, kid."

"Fuck you."

He's sure the words were meant to come out straight, but it sounds more like a whine instead, and really: a guy shouldn't bother with threats and cussing when he's bucking into his partner's hand.

He considers telling Gokudera as much, but settles for teasing the tip of his dick with one thumb instead. Ten seconds flat, and the Storm Guardian can't even breathe right.

"God – _god damn it –_ hurry _up_...!"

"I don't take orders from you," Gamma lightly returns, right before he thrusts another finger in deep and scratches against the inside of Gokudera's warm, taut ass. It's like toying with a virgin, every single time.

Later, as Gamma finally replaces his fingers with the full length of his cock, after the two Guardians of once rival families tangle together and fuck, the blond man wonders, and not for the first time, exactly what it is that brings the two of them together like this. It's not as if they actually like each other very much. It's not like they don't have other people they could be sleeping with.

A heartbeat or so after that, though, at the moment when he's as buried as deep into Gokudera as he could possibly go, he thinks of his boss and his boss' sweet and very dead mother. He thinks of that Vongola kid and the easygoing, smiley and only-too-popular swordsman under his command.

He thinks that maybe he and Gokudera have a lot more in common than they'll ever care to admit, with this whole business of Family loyalty and never quite getting what one really wants. Maybe that's why it makes a lot of sense, easing things up by ruining each other.

Gamma pulls back just so that that he can thrust himself into Gokudera again, and as he nibbles on that ear and listens to the younger man cry out, he decides that it's high time that he stop thinking.


End file.
